Making Swimdog Co. Transparent
A quick meditation this time around.
I found myself gaining a lot of energy after reading Jack Kerouac's "On The Road". I thought that I should take that energy and apply it towards my ambitions at work. Apply it towards my general fascination and passion with writing code and programming.
Then I had a quick meeting with a coworker and the question of what I wanted to do with my career came up. What do you want to do, professionally? I don't have a confident fucking answer for that. Then I felt all that energy drain out of me like someone opened up the flood gates. Now I was back to being listless and jaded and lost all interesting coding.
The conclusion I drew from this is situation is simple. Never have any goals. Never plan out your career. At least not concrete ones.
Find the reasonless, insane joy you get from some unexplainable precise action and just live there.
Hey all. I made a new page that won't be going into the top navbar: Black Mesa Camera Feed
I like to listen to these soundscapes while coding and decided to collect them all here.
One time years ago I was struggling understanding a new system at work. I asked for help as I needed it, but at one point my mentor told me:
"I don't know the words to say to get you out of the rut you are in."
The problem I was encountering was my own problem. I not only had to figure it out on my own, but no one else could help me solve my problem. My thinking was flawed, all tangled up in the assumptions I had made and confused by the twists and turns my logic had been taking. The only person who was capable of unraveling the mess I had gotten myself in was me. External assistance would only have me bend and fold my view more in order to arrive at a verbatim conclusion of what was instructed to me as the solution.
Like unfolding a protein, my thought patterns and perspective was all fucked up. I needed to look at the map I had followed to get to where I was and backtrack my way out to find a clearer and better understanding. I had to let go of the honest knowledge I had in order to write over it with a more vivid knowledge that would get me to where I wanted to go. In this case, I needed it to get me to a point of understanding to understand this system.
The world of anxiety and hatred has us tangled. It has us all wrapped up tight, tugging at the cords to squeeze every bit of attention out of us. Reddit, instagram, facebook, youtube. They take your time and benefit from it. They add in anxiety and fear to coax out even more time from you. Like force feeding an insect caffeine to hasten its reproductive process, you're force fed fear and anger and anxiety to exclamate your yields of attention to them.
You can always make more money. You can always cook more food.
You can never make more time.
Your time should benefit you. Your time should belong to you.
It should not benefit them.
Don't get anxiety from things that don't effect you in a direct way. Who wants you to get upset that a tragedy happened across the country? Who honestly wants you to get upset?
Two parties do: The perpetrator of the tragedy as it is their purpose to terrorize your life, and the collective media as it is their purpose to squeeze your time and attention out for profit.
Let it go, and get on.
I started this post off with the words my mentor told me because I want to let you know that your problem with anxiety and fear is your own. Your thoughts have been led down the wrong path ways, your logic has been folded on the lines that is most beneficial to the forces that can profit from it - monetarily or otherwise. You have been unwillingly put into this rut.
I don't know the words to say to get you out of the rut you are in.
But I know, with enough time and reflection, you can get yourself out and live the life you think has been lost.
A lot of us think that our lives aren't worth living. Up to the present and forward into the potential future.
What person would read a book on our life, if written? Who would have the interest or drive or energy to even write that book?
The answer to both of those questions is simply: no one.
What person of reknown has actually lived a life that is worth reading? Full of intrigue and colorful characters. Plots and plans, failing and succeeding?
Very little of us lead lives that are interesting. Not many of us have a life story worth hearing. Not even the most accomplished of us.
Social media's second greatest lie is telling you that others' lives are interesting and meaningful. Its first is telling you that your life is interesting and meaningful.
Story books are written by authors pretending to be other people, living in other worlds, making up a meaningful life to fill the void of their own.
Self worth is definitonless, but not evasive. It's intangible, but not formless. It's formed through direct and complete control of your own thoughts, mental state, and actions.
You must fight to free yourself to have control of your own thoughts.
You must exercise to have the strength to navigate your mental state, whatever it might be.
After that, complete control of your actions will follow.
Snarky, seedy, worthless scoffs of the degenerates to gorge themselves on pleasure seeking principles and self-serving entertainment driven goals are slaves. Less free than dogs.
They are worthless, as they have no freedom and can not define their own self worth. Their lives, in addition to being meaningless and uninteresting, are worth nothing.
Cut them out of your world. For your world is the only one you can be sure exists. Remove their worthless souls from the world.
I made a post earlier, but I fumbled the keyboard like a real keyboard cowboy and accidently deleted everything before saving.
I don't want to put in the effort of typing it all out, so I'll just keep it short and say I like this quote:
"Focused, hard work is the real key to success. Keep your eyes on the goal, and just keep taking the next step towards completing it. If you aren't sure which way to do something, do it both ways and see which works better."
Wish I can live by this.
Hoping I can be happy with how I deal with my daily duties before I die,
Hey everyone! Before I get started I want to point out the site change.
I've snipped out older posts to be displayed on a separate index page. If you wanna see em, just click on the banner at the bottom of this page.
In other news, I'm going to make a new game. I think it might be like a PC version of Zeliard but set in a cyberpunk setting. Gotta read some cyberpunk... possibly reread Snowcrash!
Anyway, that's all I got. Really just wanted to snip the posts.
Thanks for sticking by,